Executive Director of the American Secret Society of Illegals;
1601 Pennsylvania Ave NW
Washington DC 2001
Ain't he handsome?
Today, Dr. Muhammed Kim goes online to answer ASSI member questions.
Our first question is from Idi Muhammed al Sack, a proud illegal of 13 years from Syria.
Mr. Al Sack said that he was waiting in the check out line of a gourmet supermarket paying for $330 of groceries, including many pastries, with food stamps, when the 10-year daughter of an American citizen in the line behind him started crying when her mother told her they couldn’t afford a quarter of what Mr. Al Sack was buying, especially desserts. Mr. Al Sack felt very aggrieved and wonders if he can sue anybody.
The answer, Mr. Al Sack, is I hope you had enough foresight to get the name and address of the mother, because you can certainly sue her as well as the store.
The store is obviously guilty of failing to provide users of food stamps, especially illegal aliens, with a zone of comfort to buy your caviar, wild salmon, chocolate mousse and other necessities of life without being harassed by citizens, who should be thankful that they only have to pay taxes for your foodstamps and that we don’t kick them out of the country … yet.
That lawsuit should be good for a $2 million settlement.
The mother obviously is guilty of fomenting anti-foreigner feeling in her daughter by not educating her that it is the duty of Americans to pay for foodstamps for foreigners, especially illegals. You should be able to get her house and all of her cars, except for one, and that daughter’s college fund. Congratulations, Mr Al Sack. We illegals must be eternally vigilant for ways to sue Americans.
And don’t worry, wink, wink, civil courts are forbidden to ask about the residency status of anyone suing. Isn’t this a great country, or what?
Our second question comes from Halldor Guojohnsen, a native of Iceland living illegally in the United States for six years. Mr. Guohohnsen writes that when he came to the U.S., the Icelandic currency was vastly overvalued and he was able to live like a king here. Now, with the collapse of the Icelandic government and his currency, he wonders if he must get a job?
No, no, no, Mr. Guojohnsen. The U.S. government is liable for failing to see that the Icelandic economic boom was really a classic financial bubble that would burst one day. They should have been converting your currency to gold and putting it aside for you.
You must first apply immediately for welfare, citing the reason that with your Icelandic fair skin that only knows the Artic sun, it is dangerous for you to go out into the streets of America even to look for work, much less hold a job that even forcing you to commute, will shine more deadly sun rays on you in a month that you would get in your entire lifetime in Iceland.
Once you are on welfare, we can set you up with a lawyer who will assist you in suing the American government for their flagrant disregard of the reckless behavior of Icelandic banks. Thank you.
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