Emergency Session Set!!!

By:

Dr. Juan Muhammed Kim, Esq.
Executive Director

American Secret Society of Illegals

1601 Pennsylvania Ave. N.W. Suite 666

Washington D.C. 20001

I am happy to report that negotiators for the two factions within ASSI have now arrived in Washington D. C. and negotiations are expected to begin in earnest on Saturday, after Muslim prayers.

The issue is well know to all ASSI members.

Now that we are on the verge of all becoming legal thanks to President Obama, may the blessings of Allah be upon him, two of our most, uh, diverse, and, oh, vociferous groups, are demanding that ASSI's position on one of the hottest issues of modern society be settled immediately, even before the Immigration Reform Act is passed that will allow us each to bring in 10 to 20 relatives, in keeping with Democratic aspirations to cement a permanent liberal majority.

Since this is a secret site open only to ASSI members, we can talk openly of our contempt for the stupid Americans who invite us into their country that we will take over.

Before we do that, we must settle the question of whether marriage must be only between a man and a woman, or whether two people of the same gender can marry.

Now I, as executive director of ASSI, believe that the gulf is not so wide that we cannot bridge it.

The Muslims are demanding that not only all homosexuals and lesbians who want to get married be executed publicly after Friday services, but that all such people be executed even if they don't want to be married.

The Pink Wing of ASSI, of course, demands the right to marry and they have a slight aversion to the execution option that the Muslims offer.

These are minor, very minor differences.

Representing the Muslims are the honorable Muhammed Azzis Hussein, left, and Abdul the Camel Jockey Rajid, right.

These two estimable gentlemen will negotiate with me, and I trust, with the Pink Wing representative, the very famous and honorable Mr. Perez Hilton.

Mr. Hilton has kept his commitment to attend the negotiations even with the greatest story in Hollywood in a decade, the death of Michael Jackson.

This is a picture of Mr. Hilton.

Mr. Hussein has already had to be restrained once from "gutting Mr. Perez for the pig he is" and we urge both sides to remain calm as the negotiations get underway.

I will bring you news daily of the talks.

Thank you. Kisses to all ASSI members from Dr. Juan!